Happy Monday everyone and welcome back to The What Now Blog.
Today I have a very thought provoking guest post from fellow career and lifestyle blogger Laura Vonka from the blog LauraVonka.com. Laura blogs about real lifestyle for real women and I love that she always has a unique and interesting perspective on the topics that she chooses to explore. When this particular post landed in my inbox I was very intrigued. It isn't a topic I had thought of writing about myself so I've really enjoyed reading Laura's take on the subject and am interested to hear your thoughts.
So without further ado I'll hand you over and please do let both myself and Laura know in the comments below, what your take is on the subject and your personal experience of success vs relationships.
I have enjoyed in my career working with women and bonding after work. Women make sympathetic colleagues, hard workers and always get the job done. I love working with women, though in my profession they are often less and less from a certain level up.
Nevertheless, what strikes me the most, and I have good case to prove my point, the more a woman is successful on a professional level, the less she is on a private level. This seemed for a long time like a paradox to me, in the sense that I really couldn't understand how women who have the political skills to “make it or break it” in the boardroom, are so clueless about handling relationships at home.
Though a paradox, I have made my own observations and drawn some conclusions which I will summarise below. Please have a look, give it some thought and comment if you wish. So without further ado, here are the:
5 REASONS WHY SUCCESSFUL CAREER WOMEN OFTEN FAIL IN RELATIONSHIPS
1. They Treat Their Partners As Their Employees: I have seen and heard this a lot “where is your warm jacket?” “did you call your mother?” “don’t forget your sweater!” Having employees is a very nurturing experience for a woman - you get to develop, guide and form somebody who you hope will prove your expectations right and have a great career, walking in your footsteps. Unfortunately at home it doesn't always work the same way. Our partners do not need “career development”, they are growing together with us and they are our equals. That’s why we chose them, remember? If they forget to take their umbrella to work and are going to get wet, well then they are adults and they can handle it. Being a partner equals being responsible for your own decisions. Treat your partner the same way that you wish to be treated.
2. They Bring Their Supervisory Attitude Home: Your relationship is not governed by employment rules, your man is not somebody who needs to be supervised, submitted to hourly check-in’s and SMS proofed. I have seen this paranoid behaviour with intelligent women, so I don't think this is dependent on education or social level. Your man is your partner, and your relationship a partnership. Partnerships are based on freedom of choice, and not on performance reviews! Calming down and a change of perspective always helps.
3. They Plan Everything: Yes they plan, because planning works. You have a presentation to do, you plan preparation time. You have to meet the customer, you plan the meeting. Unfortunately life at home doesn't work this way. Life happens, and being open to ad-hoc events is one of the greatest joys, because that’s when something wonderful will generally takes place. You get to meet somebody new or discover an interesting place. Be open to changes of program and don't get frustrated. You won’t lose any customers or revenue points because of it.
4. They Keep Score: Yes, they do because at work this is how they prove to the boss that you did a great job. Or that your employees did. It's always good to keep score. At work, that is. At home, not so much. At home you unconditionally love, and try to not review performance. Not even in bed!
5. They Hang On To People: Women like to give second chances and thirds. Because that’s how employees develop and learning from mistakes is something beneficial. Unfortunately when it comes to the home front, women make the same mistakes. Why? Because they do not make clear the difference between: mistake 1: sending an email to the senior management with the values from last year and mistake 2: cheating on you with his ex-wife. Telling you he is still in love with her. And what do you do? You say that everything will be fine, because he just made a mistake. We all do.
Well, again, there are mistakes and mistakes, and second chances work only in the movies and yes, in the office. Unfortunately this is exactly the moment when you should say “you are fired” and show the door or “adieu” and pack up your bags. Because this is not about giving him a second chance, but yourself. You deserve better and being a partner is not what you do, but who you are.
I hope that this gives you a new perspective on things my friends and if not please let me know your thoughts and your own experiences in the comments below.